The Chicago Sports Week in Review is proud (read: ashamed, disappointed, frustrated, etc) to announce the nominees for the 2008 Grossman Awards, celebrating the worst Chicago sports had to offer this year. For every decent, uplifting, postive, awe-inspiring moment in 2008, there were probably three or four moments that made us cringe, curse, cry and vomit with rage. But instead of focusing on the positives and looking to the future, we chose to live in the past and “honor” those Chicago athletes who really stuck it to us during the season.
So without further adieu, we present the categories and nominees for the 1st Annual Grossman Awards. Included below are descriptions when the award name isn’t self-explanatory enough…and be sure to cast your vote in the Fan Choice Categories.
AWARD CATEGORIES & NOMINEES
Worst Fan Attire Award
Nominees: the Horry Cow shirts, the headbands only douche bags wore, and these guys.
Worst Celebrity Fan Award
Nominees: IL Gov Rod Blagojevich (Cubs), no other nominees
Award for the Best Performance From a PR Department
Nominees: The Chicago Bears for their use of a “QB competition” in training camp as a polite means to cut ties with Rex Grossman and The Chicago Cubs for keeping the Chad Gaudin/dumpster story under wraps.
Award for the Worst Performance From a PR Department
Nominees: The Chicago White Sox for their inability to keep DollGate out of the media spotlight, no other nominees.
The Homespun Axiom Award
Description: Awarded to the broadcaster who possesses the highest level of homerism coupled with signature jargon. Also reports to the booth regardless of the state of his hangover.
Nominees: Hawk Harrelson, White Sox TV play-by-play man (Key jargon: “Dad-gummit!”, “He Gone!”, “You can put it on the booooard, YES!”, and “there’s a little duck fart double.”) and Ron Santo, Cubs radio analyst (Key jargon: “Awwww come on!”, “Yes!” , other muffeled grunts, general talk about the weather)
Most Depressing Reminder that the Cubs Haven’t Won the World Series in 101 Years Award
Nominees: Your neighbor the Sox fan and Eddie Vedder’s All the Way
FAN CHOICE CATEGORIES (vote here)
The Wish We Had Him When He Was Good Award
Description: Awarded to the individual whose arrival in Chicago was met with excitement, yet their actual play was disappointing.
Nominees: Nick Swisher (.219 BA, 24 HR, 69 RBI, 135 SO), Ken Griffey, Jr. (.260 BA, 3 HR, 18 RBI, 25 SO in 41 games), Kosuke Fukudome (.257 BA, 10 HR, 58 RBI, 104 SO)
The Unleash the Dragon…of Futility Award
Description: Awarded to the individual or team who, despite their best efforts, can’t do what they’re paid to do.
Nominees: Devin Hester (no kickoff or punt returns this year), Derrick Rose (it sucks to be surrounded by mediocrity), Chicago Cubs (it’ll never happen), Chicago Blackhawks (just because they’re the Blackhawks)
The 70-Yard Bomb Award
Description: Awarded to the individual who best displayed delusional over-confidence and/or buffonery to the detriment of their team.
Nominees: Joakim Noah (he can’t score, but he sure can run his mouth), Cedric Benson (thinks the O-line was the only reason he didn’t succeed in Chicago), Charlie Weis (where does rebuilding stop and bad coaching begin?), Alfonso Soriano (are the home runs worth his atrocious fielding? The answer is yes, but still…)
The 2008 Grossman Award
Description: Our highest award. Awarded to the individual or team who, despite an abundance of talent and second chances, let fans down when it mattered most.
Nominees: Paul Konerko (.240 BA, 22 HR, 62 RBI), Kosuke Fukudome (.257 BA, 10 HR, 58 RBI), Cedric Benson (3.4 yards per carry, 3 fumbles, 4 TDs in 11 games for Bears in 2007-08), The Chicago Cubs (swept from playoffs for a 2nd year in a row)
Have we left anything/anyone out? Email us and let us know!